Πέμπτη, 23 Ιουλίου 2009

cap..


8/6/08

23:14 Prepei kati na ginei.. eimai kourasmenh.. exw 3 vradia na koimh8w kai nystazw poly.. omws.. prepei na sterhsw apo ton eafto mou ton ypno.. an kai ton exw anagkh, 3erw oti 8a me paei sthn epomenh mera.. ki ap’ afthn thn “epomenh mera” 3ekinaei pali to vasanistiko ekeino metrhma twn hmerwn makria sou.. kai einai ontws toso psyxof8oro..

anamesa sta daxtyla twn xeriwn mou 3eglystra akoma a8oryvh h skia tou dermatos sou.. ta mallia mou myrizoun akoma “esy”.. “san aporrypantiko rouxwn”.. ta xeilh mou prospa8oun meta manias na mhn 3exasoun ekeino,to teleftaio fili pou mou dw8hke meta to ntropalo “se parakalw” mou.. ta matia mou.. ta matia mou prospa8w na ta krataw kleista.. ta sfiggw kai 3anazw gia ligo thn eikona sou.. makari na mporousa ka8e prwi na se vriskw dipla mou.. 3ereis, 8a’ moun alliws.. isws xamogelousa parapanw.. ma ema8a na se vriskw kai na s’ afhnw me tosh “efkolia”.. 3erw pia pws s’ exw gia ligo, ma ka8e fora prepei, meta ap’ afto to “ligo”, na se “epistrepsw”.. Poso kairo eixa na 3ypnhsw mazi sou? St’ alh8eia, 8ymasai h ki afto perase sto kouti me ta “azhthta”? Posos kairos exei perasei apo tote pou teleftaia fora anoi3a ta matia mou kai s’ antikrysa na koimasai hremos? Mou ‘xe leipsei oso den mporeis na fantasteis.. kai shmera to katalava.. shmera pou 8ymh8hka ekeinh thn ais8hsh.. ta matia mou einai 8ola.. apo thn kourash.. oxi, oxi.. apo ta dakrya.. syggnwmh, pros stigmhn nomisa oti 8a mporousa na sou pw ena toso da psemataki.. mataio 8a htan.. gi afto kai epanor8wsa amesws.. psema s’ esena pote.. mono otan leipeis ston eafto mou, ki afto giati eprepe ki egw na vrw enan tropo na zhsw.. h wra pernaei.. se ligotero apo 30 lepta 8a alla3ei h selida st mikro hmerologio mou.. h mera afth 8a perasei kai epishma pia sto parel8on.. etsi ginotan panta.. zousa kati mazi sou katadikasmeno na vrisketai panta sto parel8on.. afhnontas sto paron mia aporia an htan pragmati alh8ines oi stigmes, an pragmati yphr3an.. kai gia to mellon, mia lefkh selida.. ena agrafo kommati xarti pou den mporw egw na zwgrafisw me tous xalasmenous mou apo to parel8on markadorous.. kanei psyxra.. panta kanei ligo perissotero kryo otan se exw molis afhsei gia akomh mia fora.. se h8ela ligo perissotero mesa mou.. de ginotan omws afth th fora.. giati egw “den mporousa” opws eipes.. kai 8ymh8hka tote.. pou to provlhma mas htan oti xtypousan ta kinhta ekeinh th stigmh..

3ereis kati? 8ymomoun ka8e ekatosto tou swmatos sou.. ka8e shmadi.. ka8e lakouvitsa tou dermatos sou.. se eixa e3erevnhsei toso kala ap’ thn arxh.. fovomoun, vlepeis, apo tote oti isws kapoia stigmh kanw toso kairo na se dw pou 3exasw th diadromh.. ma htan toso gnwrima ola shmera.. toso oikeia.. san ta pragmata mou pou afhna to kalokairi sto e3oxiko gia na ta vrw pali meta apo ena xrono sthn idia 8esh.. ligo skonismena isws ma oxi toso wste na mhn eimai sigourh pws prokeitai gia ta dika mou pragmata..

yposxesou oti 8a gyriseis 3ana.. yposxesou to mou.. pws 8a’ r8eis.. pws 8a m’ afhseis gia mia teleftaia fora na akolou8hsw th glykia, mysthriwdh grammh ths spondylikhs sou sthlhs pou me to pio apalo mou aggigma diesxisa x8es to vrady.. gia mia teleftaia fora prin sou zhthzw na mou to yposxe8eis pali gia thn epomenh “teleftaia fora” kai mazeftoun ena tsourmo “teleftaies fores” pou-opws 3eroume kala kai oi dyo- 8a mas odhghsei sto “panta”..

den mporw na katalavw giati ka8e fora pou 8a tyxei na m’ akoumphseis apala, me katadikazeis se toso megalh taraxh.. pws ginetai? Hsoun apla ena “paidi apo to schoolwave”.. enas agnwstos mesa se xiliades allous.. kai 3afnika.. egines oloi aftoi oi xiliades gia mena.. oloi aftoi oi xiliades ki akomh parapanw.. egines o,ti zhtousa, zhtw kai 8a zhtaw panta.. ola osa xreiazomai.. ola osa eimai.. kai 3ereis, an apo thn ypostash kapoiou afaireseis estw ki ena mikro kommati, ginetai leipsos.. omws, vlepeis, mesa s’ ola ema8a kai na zw leipsh.. xwris ekeino to elaxisto meros sou pou moirazetai.. ekeino to kommataki sou pou einai pro8ymo na endwsei se ka8e neo peirasmo.. opws allwste enedwse kai s’ emena otan htan h wra mou.. ma se parakalw.. kane afth thn “wra” na mhn exei teleiwmo.. na diafygei ap’ ola ta rologia tou kosmou.. as meinei panta h “wra h dikh mou”.. as exw ton elegxo ths.. kai tote, ka8e anapnoh mou, ka8e xtypos ths kardias mou, 8a 3ekina th stigmh ekeinh pou 8a stekesai “akoumpwntas dh8en adiafora ston toixo twn goodys’ kai 8a se vlepw ap to apenanti pezodromio ka8ws 8a ftanw.. kai 8a teleiwnei ena lepto mono meta ap to “antio” sto asanser tou spitiou mou.. ola 8a pagwsoun gia ligo.. oso ki an einai afto to diasthma, panta “ligo” 8a einai.. de 8a anapnew.. h kardia mou de 8a salevei.. wspou pali 8a er8ei h wra na se dw kai 8a 8esw se leitourgia thn klepsydra mou.. mia klepsydra pou de metra kokkous ammou alla stigmes zwhs.. stigmes pou apla 8a anakyklwnontai.. etsi den einai oles oi klepsydres? Oi kokkoi den antika8istantai apo neous.. apla enallassontai oi plevres stis opoies vriskontai..

h8ela den h8ela pagidefthka ki egw sto gyali ths.. nai, pagidefsa ki esena mesa.. pote den apopoih8hka thn ef8ynh.. ma gia skepsou.. toulaxiston eisai asfalhs.. exeis ena meros sto opoio panta 8a mporeis na gyrizeis.. kai panta 8a eimai ekei.. na se ypodexomai me ta matia klammena apo th xara pou den 3exases to dromo ths epistrofhs.. me olh mou thn agaph etoimh na se gemisei ki as 3erw pws pali 8a fygeis.. pali 8a einai efhmero.. efhmero ma taftoxrona af8arto, analloiwto.. kai na 3ereis.. kapoia stigmh ki emeis me th seira mas 8a fygoume.. ma “afto” akoma 8a yparxei.. pera apo mas.. pera apo ka8e xwro kai xrono.. ws ekei pou yposxe8hkes na me ta3idepseis kai pou 3ereis oti 8a kapoia stigmh 8a to kaneis..

wra 00:09.. 9 iouniou.. h mera alla3e.. prepei.. PREPEI na arxisw pali na metraw.. 1h mera.. 1h mera pou 3hmerwnei m’ enan hlio ligo pio skoteino.. pali xwris esena..

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