Παρασκευή, 24 Ιουλίου 2009

στο δικο σου ιστο..




.. molis diavasa to gramma gia 8h fora..... prospa8w na fantastw posa akoma tetoia xartakia vriskontai 8ammena sta syrtaria kai ta ntoulapia sou.. afto pou diavasa htan kati poly ma poly alh8ino.. afth sou h eilikrinia pou orismenes fores isws kai na me ponaei ligo einai pragmatika monadikh.. apo pou na 3ekinhsw? mallon apo to oti den perimenes na to "pa8eis" afto me emena...... h alh8eia einai oti h olh istoria einai apo thn arxh mexri kai twra kapws "asynh8isth"-gia na mh th xarakthrisw e3wpragmatikh kai mou peis oti ypervallw.. sta exw 3anapei, gia mena panta 8a eisai se kapoio va8mo to "paidi apo to schoolwave".. osos kairos ki an perasei de 8a mporesw na syneidhtopoihsw plhrws apo pou 3ekinhse olo afto.. to oti yphrxan hdh afta ta synais8hmata mesa sou vlepeis pws telika den apotelese empodio.. kai afto einai apo ta pragmata pou mas symvainoun gia na "gkremizoun" tis 8ewries mas.. 8ymasai, ta 3 dika mou xronia kai tous 11-sxedon 12- mhnes sou.. etsi mono ma8ainoume pws pote den prepei na leme "eimai 100% ekei".. ektos vevaia apo kati periptwseis san th dikh mou twra p 3erw oti ontws eimai 100% ekei... xixi.. fysiko einai na mhn 3ereis an yparxoun ston idio va8mo.. to 8ema einai na mhn apokleiseis to endxomeno na ginoun.. opws exeis zhsei mazi ths osa den exeis zhsei me kanenan allo, etsi mporei avrio na ta zhseis kai me emena kai me8avrio me kapoia allh.. etsi einai h zwh, mas ekplhssei synexws.. ti nomizeis? egw mporousa na ta fantastw ola afta?
nai, molis kleisame to thlefwno... ti magikh stigmh.. ti glyko sfi3imo sto stomaxi.. ki emena mou' leipse h fwnh sou.. mou' leipse h fwnh pou prin apo 5 mhnes mou eixe
pei "an kerdisw 8a pame cinema........"..... se akouga.... ka8e sou le3h.. ka8e anapnoh.. kai to mono pou perimena htan na se dw.. eixa matia sth 8esh twn aftiwn mou x8es..
koita symptwsh! h mallon oxi symptwsh.. apla "etyxe".... afth th sygkatoikhsh thn exw skeftei toses fores.. pou na to 3estomisw omws? ntrepomoun.. kai gia polla alla ntrepomai pou isws na mhn ta ma8eis kai pote.. fantasou to omws, ena spiti.. esy ki egw.. ti paramy8i..!
xm,, to xeis
pei kai gia ekeinh... kai giati "apologeisai"?? einai toso fysiologiko p to exeis kanei.. den yphrxe periptwsh na se pw hli8io.. oute 8a eixa dikio na to kanw.. opws eipes ki esy afto niw8eis, afto les.. kai 3ereis oti meta3y mas panta aftos htan o "xrysos kanonas"..
ax... h kyriakh... ma pws na mhn atrapsei to proswpo mou? eixa toso kairo na se dw.. nai, to eida oti den hsoun kala, to eniwsa.. den mporw na pw me vevaiothta to pws.. alla to eniwsa.. me koita3es kai to vlemma sou htan adeio.. me xtyphse kat' ef8eian sthn kardia.. mh sou fainetai para3eno pou to katalava.. mporei ontws h ekeinh na se 3erei.. alla ki egw se 3erw perissotero ap' oso nomizeis.. h mallon se katalavainw efkolotera ap' oso nomizeis... kai 3ereis kati? to gnwrizeis k esy afto.. kai mporw na sto apodei3w.. skepsou mono posa mou exeis
pei gia sena.. kai ennow gia ola afta ta "poly dika sou".. to 3ereis pws an den hmoun kati 3exwristo k an den eixa th dynatothta na sta8w dipla sou se olo afto, de 8a mou to eleges.. kai den ennow 3exwristo gia sena.. apla 8elw na pw oti an kai sigoura den plhsiazw tis dikes sou idiothtes, to myalo mou kai h kardia mou pane ligo parapera apo twn ypoloipwn.. kai 8elw ep'efkairias na sou pw k efxaristw pou mou empistefthkes toso shmantika pragmata.. na 3ereis oti 8a ta yperaspistw me olh mou th dynamh kai elpizw na mh metaniwseis pote pou mou ta eipes.. an k pistevw pws an yphrxe periptwsh na to metaniwseis 8a to gnwrizes apo prin.. de 8a riskares to na mou milhseis an den hsoun sigouros.. kai mhn 3exnas oti kapoios sou "edwse thn adeia" na to kaneis.. de 8a sto epetrepe alliws.. nai, gi afton pou se esteile lew..
mhn aporeis loipon, isws na eimai kati pou dn 3ereis.. kati pou den mporeis na fantasteis..
kai gia na anafer8w k sto teleftaio kommati tou grammatos sou, to "avrio" p egrafes hr8e.. twra pia eimai spiti mou.. ki egw to perimena pws kai pws.. ki egw den eixa sto myalo mou kati ponhro.. omws o,ti egine den htan ponhro telika.... antikeimenika isws na mporouse kapoios kai na to xarakthrisei etsi, omws den htan.. kai 3ereis giati? giati gia mas einai apla o monos tropos na mpainoume o enas mesa ston allo...... an yphrxe allos tropos -pou na mporouse na mas ferei akoma pio konta- isws kai na epilegame ekeinon.. isws kai na vroume kapoia stigmh.. perasa poly omorfa.. kai exw pali na 8ymamai tosa.. apo thn anapnoh sou sthn plath mou mexri to snitsel sthn kouzina.. makari na mporousame na to kanoume afto ka8e mera.. etsi, gia na ZHSOUME ligo..
mikre mou oute egw 3erw pou 8a mas vgalei olo afto.. as mhn to aporripsoume omws.. kai mhn 3anazhthseis syggnwmh gia to "megalo" gramma gt egw tote 8a eprepe na zhtaw syggnwmh mexri avrio me oles aftes tis vlakeies p sou grafw ka8e fora.. loipon, 8a mpw msn kata tis 10-10:30.. elpizw na ta poume.. exoume na kanonisoume kai gia to "superman".. egw eftyxws avrio kai me8avrio den exw sxolh ka de doulevw ki olas.. s' agapw poly poly kai se parakalw na mou dineis afta pou grafeis.. einai pragmatika yperoxa....


S.L

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